Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
