Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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