dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
