shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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