I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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