I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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