Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
