take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
