woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
