I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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