There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
