My sheets look like a crime scene.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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