I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
