Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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