Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
