Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
