3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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