If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
