dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
