She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
