we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
