he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
