He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
