Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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