I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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