I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
