I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
