Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
