Umm I'm too high to move.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
