she takes plan B like it's going out of style
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
