A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
