he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
