She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
