So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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