It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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