You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
