$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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