Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
