My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
