just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
