It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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