He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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