I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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