I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
