the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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