I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
