I cockslap morals
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
