Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
