Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
