Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
