I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
